Tiger Mum: Tough love or controlling cruelty?

Part of me thinks she is backing down due to the criticism but part of me also thinks that someone like her is not around to back down. Although I do think that it may be wrongly stereotyping all Chinese American mothers. Amy Chua’s way of raising kids suited her household and her family but not necessarily it will suit every Chinese American parents. I have always told the parents whom I consulted that every household will have their own needs, their own rules, their own boundaries. Rules that will suit their lifestyle. There is no harm in seeking advice and having a go at it but we must not bang our heads against the wall if a particular technique hasn’t worked for us that has worked fantastically for our friend. Based on the recent netmums survery of trying to be a ‘perfect parent’ and covering up on various things is what happens as an outcome of comparing ourselves to other parents.

As an American who lives in the UK, I can relate to both those who applaud this book and those who condemn it.

Since the day my daughter was born I was called a “fascist” (admittedly, jokingly) because of my views on discipline and education. However, 10 years and another daughter later, my “fascist” parenting style has created 2 loving and well behaved children. Their cohort misbehave, are disrespectful, and aren’t as concerned with academics.

On the flip side, growing up in America – one of my best friends was from a Korean family and was pushed as hard as Amy Chua pushed her daughters. This was an incredible strain on him and by the time he entered uni, he crashed out and 18 years later still works part time jobs in fast food restaurants. He says it is his form of rebellion, however I watched him steadily burn out over the course of our childhood and I hold his parents to blame for his life choices now.

Parenting is hard, the decisions we make not only affect our children today but will form the people they will be come tomorrow. As long as my children are happy AND contributing members of society, then I have done my job as a parent. If Amy Chua is to be applauded, it should be for creating a dichotomy of what you should and shouldn’t do to ensure the success and happiness of your children. *Broad Brush* We all seem to be happy if our kids manage to stay out of jail when I think we should EXPECT our children to be well behaved and be happy if they excel in life.

Listening to Tiger Mother this morning I feel she is spot on if thats the way she sees her offspring benefitting long term,its clearly a cultural thing and who are we to diss her if this is how she wants to raise her kids. She is strict and rather clipped but isnt that her right as in her culture. There are too many people making other peoples styles of parenting gospel and they are only individuals expressing their own views and opinions. That said my upbringing was traditional and fun at the same time and thats set me in good stead. If she felt the need to put it in a book fair play, some will agree and some wont…Another example…i personally found Gina Ford books patronizing and pretty offensive and know many who swear by them. Come on, its OPINION!! take it or dont, you have a choice
The Black Fairy
Lafeenoire Maternity
http://www.lafeenoire.com

Hi,I’m making a documentary for the BBC on parenting and absolutely loved your post regarding Tiger Mum. Our presenter Cherry Healey (A mum of 18 month old Coco) is traveling around the UK meeting 6 mums who all parent in different ways. Cherry has an open-minded chat with each mum about why their way of being a mum works for them- be they career mums, overprotective mums, pushy mums or handsoff liberal mums.We are currently searching for a strict mum – a lady who is in charge of when her children and believes wholeheartedly that she is offering her children the very best start in life by giving fixed rules and boundaries. I’d love to tell you more about the documentary so please do get in touch parent@renegadepictures.co.uk

Thank you for your very interesting Tiger Mother views here

What I do not like is the reason why many Tiger Mums are pushing their kids is simply money, i.e a better job at the end of it. Its the type of society where a 2 year old child can be run over and nobody stops as everyone is too busy trying to make money